While I was working on a post last night a stream of tics burst into life, so I decided to record them on my phone in case they were interesting. Here’s what emerged:

“I wish I was a duck-face, I wish I was a mule, I wish I was a Haribo bag of undecided yule.

I wish I was a sheepdog, I wish I was a bear, I wish I was a fair weather sheep laughing at your hair.

I wish I was a donkey, I wish I was a scream, I wish I was an onion with undiscovered layers.

I wish I was a tortoise, I wish I was a Dave, I wish I was a pallbearer for Keith Chegwin.

I wish I was a table, I wish I was a lamp, I wish I was some lighter fuel and that everywhere had a ramp.

I wish I was a silhouette of creepy little stars.

I wish I was a radish with an abundance of hair.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish upon a dog.

I wish upon a Tory in a lemon suited frog.

I wish I was a Sellotape ambassador for Spain.

I wish I was teapot, I wish I was tarn, I wish was a piece gently buttered toast.

I wish I was a sausage, I wish I was a bear, I wish I was a teenage mutant ninja turtle, but with elongated sexy sacks!

I wish I was a talisman, I wish I was a dove, I wish I was a bundle of effervescent love.

I wish I was a Tiscali Broadband investor in 1992.

I wish upon cream cheese burden, a leap year and a grape.

I wish I was, I wish I am, I wish for you and Dave.

I wish for all the world a centipede of hope.

I wish upon a rainbow, I wish upon a star, because I’m a traditionalist at heart.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish upon posh sheep.

I wish for all the world to have a good night’s sleep.

May your wishes be joyful and shared.”

Eventually the wishing slowed down and I drifted off to sleep.