There’s Something About Alan

Tourettes is a surreal condition to live with – anything can become a tic, including stuff I’m not even conscious of knowing. For example, I had no idea that Keith Duffy is allergic to peanuts or what a marmoset is until my tics started talking about them. So, it should come as no surprise that for over a decade I’ve regularly ticced about a man who I knew nothing about. But after ten years of ticcing about Alan Hansen, I feel strangely connected to him.

For anyone who isn’t a football fan or hasn’t been forced to look him up by their unusual neurology, Alan Hansen is a Scottish footballer who played for Liverpool in the 1970s and 80s before having a long career as a broadcaster, co-hosting Match of the Day until 2014.

A digital drawing of former footballer and broadcaster Alan Hansen. Alan is looking towards the right hand corner and has a fairly neutral expression. There is a bright green background with white graphic lines indicating energy and surprise

While I have no strong interest in football, Alan has featured heavily in many tics – I even ticced about him in Biscuitland, our comedy pilot for Channel 4. I drew the image above for that show, inspired by an “Alan Hansen’s tits” tic (try saying that over and over again quickly). Other Alan inspired tics include:

“I’m a jpeg of Alan Hansen.”
“Alan Hansen imagination chrysalis.”
“Alan Hansen illumination bin.”
“Alan Hansen’s tits taste like artichoke.”
“Alan Hansen Pottery Helpline, David Blaine speaking.”
“No one puts Alan Hansen in corduroy.”

I should also acknowledge that my tics regularly announce his death, usually of cat AIDS. So when a few days ago news broke that Alan is critically ill, my thoughts and my tics turned to him. But rather than continuing to announce his death, my tics have taken a more reflective tone.

“Alan Hansen, holding space for healing.”
“Alan Hansen compassion triangle.”
“Alan Hansen, keep kicking the ball not the bucket.”

I very much hope that Alan makes a quick and full recovery. My thoughts are with him and his family at this time.

Related tics

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