Taming of the Loo

I’ve lived at the castle for just over eight years. I moved here because my previous lair was up lots of stairs and I had several accidents getting in and out. Even though it was obvious to everyone I needed to move, I still took some persuading.

I love living at the castle and I’m incredibly proud of my home, and super-appreciative of how accessible it is. After eight years, though, there is some wear and tear. Some of this is the everyday stuff you might expect, and some is the result of my tics.

Most tic damage is obvious and the result of a specific event, like a hole in the wall from an impulsive fist or a splattered stain from an involuntarily lobbed pear. Other damage has happened over time and is a bit subtler. The on-going “Battle of the Loo Seat” is a good example of this.

For several years my loo seat’s been getting wobbly. The screws have been tightened, the fixings replaced and even a whole new toilet seat sourced and fitted, but the seat never stays still for long and very soon goes back to its wobbly ways.

When it comes to toilet seat taming, King Russell has been leading the way and I’m very grateful for all the work he’s put in. He’s staying over to support me tonight and while he was brushing his teeth a few moments ago he noticed that the seat’s coming loose again. He was thinking about this while brushing and he’s just been in to tell me about the latest plan he’s come up with. He’s had an idea that involves using silicone to secure the fixings more effectively, something he hopes will hold for longer.

It’s not surprising my toilet seat’s rickety. It’s had a tougher life than most because my motor tics mean that I’m almost constantly moving. Rocking, squirming and squiggling are as essential to me as breathing. And this constant motion doesn’t stop when I use the loo, so I’m shaking the seat loose each time I use it.

When I was a kid I used to wear my shoes out really quickly, so quickly in fact that my dad used to joke about getting me iron shoes so they’d last longer. Perhaps it’s time for an iron toilet seat too.

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