What’s Lorraine Been Up To?

Out of the blue yesterday my tics let fly with a load of unlikely gossip about daytime TV regular Lorraine Kelly.

Before I tell you any more, here’s the legal disclaimer:

‘The events described in these tics are fictitious. Any similarity to any person (or tortoise) living or dead is merely coincidental.’

“You know Lorraine Kelly? She once flipped over a Malteser in a bank.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She once sucked her thumb in a Chinese restaurant.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? Santa left her off the list.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She’s your mother’s god-daughter’s tortoise.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She’s like a splurge-gun from Bugsy Malone.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She’s Hitler’s first cousin.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She’s actually a sat nav from Exeter.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly? She’s like a 1980s animation but without the emotion.”
“You know Lorraine Kelly is the start and end of a rainbow and the beginning of a catch-22 situation.”

She’s clearly been busy. Remember, you heard it here first, allegedly.

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