This morning I woke up in a leisurely way, opened my blind and let the light from the grey day fill my room. I felt much more cheerful than I had when I went to sleep last night, and I greeted the lamppost enthusiastically.
“Morning lamp-post, how’re your friends and family?”
“Lamp-post, does your cousin live in Narnia?”
“Six degrees of lamp-post.”
The last tic is a reference to the concept of Six Degrees Of Separation, the idea that everyone can be connected to everyone else through just six people. However this seemed to inspire my tics to think about a different type of degree:
“AQA in paving-slab porn.”
“BTEC in dog urine.”
“BA in long-distance lovers.”
“MSC in pigeon shit.”
“MPhil in dustbin turds.”
“PHD in the cycles of the moon.”
I can only assume these are the lamp-post’s own academic credentials.
I’d love to see the course materials for paving-slab porn and long-distance lovers, but I’m less interested in the dog urine and pigeon shit study materials.