King Russell has a longstanding obsession with zombies. He’s got zombie films, zombie books, zombie t-shirts and a regularly updated zombie plan.
This all makes me worry that if he sees one of my latest ‘ticcing fit’ moves he might think he’s got a zombie sister in law as well. Being familiar with his zombie plan I know this is unlikely to go well for me.
My ‘zombie walk’ involves me standing up mid-fit and walking very chaotically until I crash into something, or collapse in a writhing heap on the ground. This isn’t totally new – it’s happened very occasionally since I first started having fits. But in the last few weeks it’s definitely been happening more frequently.
On one occasion at the castle I walked into the garden door and got myself wedged upright. Will, who was supporting me, said it took him a moment to work out what was wrong with the scene as he looked across the kitchen and saw pressed against the glass. Then he realised – Touretteshero doesn’t stand up.
At work last week I zombie-walked off the veranda, crashing into a heap on the dusty path below, I was lucky I didn’t injure myself beyond a single gashed hand.
Today my zombie walk was more of a zombie push as I propelled my wheelchair impulsively into a wall moments before my body became stiff and rigid.
It looks like I might need my own zombie plan – I’m hoping it’ll consist of attentive support and extra padding, not cross-bows, getaway vehicles and flights to a remote island.