Face Plant

‘Face-planting’ meaning landing face down in a plate of food should be a familiar enough subject to anyone who’s spent any time watching comedy clips on YouTube.

Today I’ve managed to face-plant into food – twice! Fortunately for me there were no cameras around to record these messy moments.

The first was a classic – me suddenly bending at the waist and landing face down in a well-dressed salad. This was the start of a ‘ticcing fit’ and Will and Leftwing Idiot made sure I was safe before wiping the oil and leaves off my face with a babywipe.

The second involved a more unconventional but equally dramatic special move. I was tucking into a delicious crispbake covered in peanut butter when a sudden arm tic sent it in a radically different direction, away from my mouth and slap bang into my cheek – peanut butter side down of course.

For the record, crispbakes aren’t structurally sound enough to withstand such an impact. But peanut butter has great potential as an alternative to glue.

I’m hoping these increasingly intimate encounters with food are an anomaly.

If it continues at the same rate I might need to invest in some industrial-strength wipes not to mention the risk of going viral!

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