The Pig Fairy
Land of the Rubber Pigs
This World or Elsewhere
RE: Where are my pigs?
Dear Pig Fairy,
First, let me set out what an ardent admirer of your work I am. You have produced pigs of spectacular beauty and charm. I feel your creative ability and skill is equal to that of the old masters: Da Vinci, Botticelli, Hart, or Buchanan. However, I feel compelled to write to remind you that I am now waiting for no fewer than four pigs!
I appreciate that such impressive creations take time, but feel it necessary to draw your attention to the length of time I have been waiting. I am not aware of the tooth fairy’s customers facing such long delays. Of course it might be that you are on holiday, on strike, or even managing unreliable contractors, and if that is the case you have my understanding and I hope the situation will be resolved speedily.
Just in case the failure to deliver is due to an administrative error or oversight, I am currently waiting for:
If you require further information, documentary evidence or detailed specifications please reply by return of post.
I trust I can look forward to receiving my pigs at your earliest convenience.
PS: I think Leftwing Idiot might need more pig stickers as he appears reluctant to issue them and I can only assume he’s worried about running out.