I’ve just woken up, and sitting at the end of my bed is a large gold pig – the much anticipated ‘Mystery Piggy’. I can hear Ruth pottering about in the living room, her familiar tics ringing through the castle.
Outside my bedroom window the usual view of the garden and lamp-post is brightened by coloured bunting fluttering lazily in the breeze. Amongst the traditional fabric triangles sits bunting with a more unusual (but to still very pleasing) shape.
It’s my birthday today, but yesterday was my ‘Boof-day’. Last night loads of friends joined me to help celebrate and to ‘Boof’. If you’re uncertain about what a ‘Boof’ is it’s not surprising – boofing’s a result of my neurology, not a universal activity.
For the last two years I’ve been inexplicably fascinated with touching Adidas trefoil logos (the three-pronged, half-a-flower-like shapes). I call this boofing – I touch the logo with three fingers and say, ‘Boof’’ and it always makes me shriek with laughter. It’s even more exciting if two logos touch each other – a double boof.
For my Boof-day party I decided to embrace this strange fascination and ask guests to come wearing as much Adidas gear as they had. To the casual observer this might’ve looked like a sportswear-themed party, but it wasn’t about the brand – it was about the boof!
Here’s how my beautiful Boof-day unfolded.
First, I got a parcel in the post from Dylan and his parents. Inside was a Furby who I immediately named Brian. Dylan and his family thought my tics might enjoy it, and they were right. I wasn’t the only one though – Poppy chatted to Brian for much of the morning.
In the afternoon I had a lovely time hanging out with my mum and Fat Sister in Brixton. We came back to the castle to prepare for the party – Fat Sister had a nap while I made a boofaliser. The boofaliser was so I could count how many trefoil logos each of my guests was bringing to the party.
King Russell arrived first and fired up the barbecue. With the help of Fat Sister he put up the bunting and made sure that the ‘Tropical Boof Bar’ in the shed was well stocked.
Leftwing Idiot and Fran were next. Leftwing Idiot brought his speakers and stuck on some party tunes while my other guests gradually arrived. I welcomed everyone in turn and took care of the ‘admin’ – the process for checking in their logos. Every trefoil counted, even the tiny ones on labels and on the soles of shoes. The undoubted winner of ‘most boofs at the party’ was Leftwing Idiot who clocked in a phenomenal 432, though a few of these were on the amazing presents he gave me.
One of the things he gave me was a joint present from our friend Rikki (whose design credits include the Touretteshero logo). It was an amazing bespoke T-shirt with the the word ‘Boof’ beautifully printed on it, which I wore all evening with great pride.
There were lots of other incredibly creative boofs. Poppy and Zoë had both made extraordinary dresses, Fran had colourful pin-on boofs, and Keir had laser cut the trefoil-shaped bunting.
There was no area of the party that boofs didn’t penetrate. Poppy had made trefoil shaped burgers for the barbecue and Sylvie shaped watermelon slices into the logo too. The highlight of the ‘Boofet’ was the birthday cake that Poppy and Zoë had made. It was of course trefoil shaped, but they took it much further than that. Running through the whole cake were three stripes, just like those found on many Adidas items.
It wasn’t all admin and eating though – there were boof-based games as well: ‘Pin the boof on the boof’ and a twisted version of ‘Simon says …’ that meant everyone had to boof logos when I called ‘omni-boof’, or line up their stripes when I shouted ‘Stripes’.
In addition to all the boof-orientated fun, all the other elements of a good party were there too: an amazing group of people, a bit of booze, evening sunshine and a lot of laughter.
I had a brilliant time and while some of my friends might’ve found the boofing bizarre at first, it soon seemed completely right that my strange quirks were part of the celebration.
On the subject of strange quirks I mentioned ‘Mystery Piggy’ at the start of this post.
I’ve written several times about my two squeaky piggies that I find as funny as they make me excitable. For over a month I’ve known about a third pig – the elusive Mystery Pig. I knew he existed because Poppy made him squeak down the phone to me. Tonight I met Mystery Piggy at last when Poppy brought him to the party and as I said he’s sitting at the end of my bed.
Poppy had also excelled herself yet again by merging my obsession with piggies and the logo in one amazing gift – a handmade cushion that had a logo to boof on it and a pig noise buried deep inside it. Whenever you boof the logo the cushion squeals like a pig.
And all that was just my Boof-day!
Very soon I’ll get up and my day of more relaxed birthday celebrations will begin.
Thank you to everyone who helped make this birthday such a wonderful one.