I hope everybody had a happy summer solstice yesterday. Following on from this landmark event, here’s another – my fourth monthly Tourettes-enhanced horoscope.
The weather might be gloomy but I’m certain my latest predictions will help brighten things up.
I’ve paid particularly close attention to this horoscope because Cancer’s my own star sign. I’ve been thinking about testing my advice and trying some of the self-improving activities my tics suggested.
My thoughts so far:
Learning guitar – Although it might be possible I imagine my sound would be a bit experimental for conventional tastes.
Horseradish soup – Could be delicious, if a little dangerous given my erratic arm movements. Soup’s not the most tic-friendly food.
Golf lessons – It’s been a while since I’ve picked up anything harder than a banana and I can think of a few practical concerns about me swinging nine iron on the fairway.
Take a pony to work – I’m not sure my office could accommodate a pony’s turning circle.
Archery – I can’t see a problem with this one – anyone want to join me?
Whether or not any of these activities would improve or shorten my life is open to debate. But there’s no doubt that the final words of wisdom ring true – I’ll definitely get further if I stop walking sideways.
To all fellow Cancerians, let’s enjoy our birthday month as only we can. Get ready Leos – it’s your turn next.