The Joy of Goat Sex

Some tics arrive with a bang, some creep in slowly, and others mutate and evolve. Just as “Brian” eventually became “Alan fucks buses”, so my long-standing “Fuck a sheep” tic’s been quietly turning into “Goat sex.”

As well as just popping out on its own, “Goat sex” has an incredible habit of working its way into regular conversations. If I hear Poppy asking Leftwing Idiot how his day’s been, I’ll find myself saying, “Did you tell her about the goat sex?”

And just like “Fuck a sheep”, I’ll often offer advice to anyone who’ll listen about whether they should or shouldn’t have sex with a goat. My tics come out randomly in favour or against, and it’s impossible to predict which way they’ll go until I’ve said it: “Have a good day, don’t have sex with a goat.”

A huge variety of animals from squirrels and marmosets to otters and hedgehogs have shown up as regular tics over the years, and most of them are entirely innocent.

A very long time ago I was talking about “horse balls” a lot and that, along with the sheep and the goats, makes me wonder if this long-standing, seedy fixation on sex with farmyard animals has a while to go before my tics climb over the gate and wander off somewhere else.

I can’t imagine this happening any time soon though. I’ve still got pigs, cows, chickens, hens, rabbits and geese to go.

One response to The Joy of Goat Sex

  1. Catwings says:

    I’m waiting for a ticced version of Old McDonald’s Farm…!

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