It’s Hard Sometimes
Because I’m ill my ‘ticcing fits’ are much more frequent than normal. This is hard on me but it’s also hard on those who care for me.
Leftwing Idiot’s been with me all day. He’d made plans to see a friend this evening and Poppy was due to do my night-time support. But she’s hurt her back and isn’t able to do it. Leftwing Idiot’s the only option left for my care tonight so, upsettingly, he’s had to cancel his plans.
He’s clearly disappointed and I feel sad that it’s been necessary for him to do this. He told me how much extra thought it takes to make plans around my care needs and how fragile they are once they’ve been made.
When I talk about the loss of independence I’ve experienced over the last year or so, it’s not just my own I’m thinking about. Leftwing Idiot’s my primary carer, a role he’s neither chosen nor had thrust upon him – it’s evolved out of our friendship and my need for support – but it’s a big commitment and makes aspects of his life very unpredictable.
I’ve never felt any resentment from him in circumstances like these. Earlier I was feeling tonight’s situation was my fault but he said, “It’s no-one’s fault, it’s just hard.” And he’s right, times like this are hard.
For me, one of the most difficult parts of living with Tourettes is seeing how it impacts on the lives of the people I care about. Leftwing Idiot cancelling his plans this evening is one act of incredible friendship among many.