This evening, while Fat Sister and King Russell were round, Tourettes announced a pub quiz and I ticced a string of ludicrous questions. I know my friend Emma would’ve enjoyed this because she loves trivia and answering back to tics. The questions included:

“Hands up if you know how to clap and shit your pants at the same time.”
“How many farts can you fit inside a sheepdog?”
“How many e’s in ‘shut up bitch’?

The only one that sounded like a real quiz question was:

“How many lakes are there in Switzerland?”

I don’t know the answer to any of the above.