Sometimes Tourettes makes even the simplest things tricky. This morning I was trying to wash my hair but kept throwing the bottle of shampoo. If bathroom bowling was a recognised sport I would definitely have got a strike – all the other bottles at the end of the bath went flying.

Earlier this evening I gave a work presentation to a group of about thirty people. We were all outside and during my talk I kept ticced, “Squirrel.” Then, half way through, a squirrel fell out of a tree. The audience laughed and one of my colleagues suggested that my super powers might extend even further than we’d first thought.

A few weeks ago I bought a set of camping cups with lids because I was getting tired of tipping drinks over myself. They’re stylish, matte black, and discreet. The lid wedges in tight and has a small hole to drink from which makes accidental spillages difficult.…

The “Bye, bye” tic that I’ve been saying for about a month has changed quite a bit over the weeks.

The simple “Bye, bye” evolved into a gravelly “Bye, bye”. This became “Bye, bye Babybel”, and is now, “Bye, bye baby bear.”…

Friends and strangers are constantly misquoting me. For example:

“Figs on crisps” which was actually “Fingers on crisps.”

“Squirrel humper” which was actually “Squirrel lover.”

“Titty-wank your bank manager” which was actually “Titty-fuck your bank manager.”

“Hot green Kermit wank” which was actually “Boiling green Kermit cum.”…

Tonight England played the USA in their opening World Cup game. I watched this at Laura’s house with a bunch football-loving men. The American goalkeeper, Tim Howard, has Tourettes and as I’m no England fan I found myself rooting for him through the whole dismal match.…

My cab driver told me this morning that I was ‘possessed’. He said that I should ask a priest for help. I told him that I didn’t feel very possessed and that I’m generally quite nice to people. I asked him why, if an evil spirit had taken my soul, it would make me shout about squirrels.…

Tonight Fat Sister was talking about her day and describing how she and a colleague at work had been playing around. He had pretended to hit her and when she didn’t respond he said, “You’ve got shit reflexes – you didn’t move!”…

I just hit myself with a sock.

This would not have been a problem had it not contained my house keys. I’ve resorted to keeping all my keys in socks to limit the likelihood of denting my face.

I seem to be turning everything into a weapon at the moment.

For the last few weeks, Fat Sister and I have been doing early morning yoga with our friend and teacher Giedre. I thought yoga would be worth trying as a way to control my body, even if only for short periods of time.…