“PAT Test your carpet.”

“Face paint your dog.”

“Boiling green Kermit cum.”

Also ran:

“Basket weaving with God.”

“I put your mum out of business.”

“Dogging with a duvet.”

I went with my friends Ben and Ruth to hang out at the pub where Leftwing Idiot was DJing tonight.…

“Ley lines through your mum.”

I’m a couple of days into my new job. My boss heard her first ‘fuck’ today. I think she’d had the impression that I was one of the 90% of people with Tourettes who don’t swear. That illusion is now broken.…

Early this morning I travelled to Liverpool for a Tourettes conference with Leftwing Idiot and Ruth (who also has Tourettes). After a brief discussion we decided not to sit in the quiet coach.

Our arrival in the city that gave the world the Beatles was marked by the addition of several Liverpool-specific tics to Ruth’s repertoire: “Calm down, calm down!”…

Today I have been mostly channelling dinosaurs. As well as shouting and waving my arms around, I’m in the process of adding various different prehistoric screeches to my collection of tics. Right now it’s all about Tourrassic Park.

Physical tics are difficult to describe but are as much a part of my life with Tourettes as the things I say.…

As an internationally established superhero, my main concern is preserving life and world peace. Sometimes though it’s important to think about how I would take out an enemy:

“A sausage and a finger could kill a man.”

I’m pretty sure that’s true.

I went shopping this morning and got a lift from King Russell. I spent most of the journey trying not to interfere with his driving, but I also came up with a number of interesting web addresses:

“www.godbook.com.”

“www.godsface.com.”

“www.powerfulmothers.co.uk.”

www.godbook.com…

“I love Lion-O.”

“Lion-O loves you.”

“Lion-O, wasteman.”

“Lion-O hates you.”

“Lion-O loves lace.”