“Piss off parsnip.”
“Carroty cunt.”
“Man up root vegetables.”

…all this as I settled into bed – certainly a strange way to end the day.

I went to hang out and watch some TV at Leftwing Idiot’s this evening. When I arrived we sat in his kitchen and had a drink. While he did making the tea my tics had a chat with his geranium.

It’s been almost a year since this plant arrived in his flat and our turbulent relationship first began.…

Fat Sister got her tic name a long time ago, when she was on a diet. Leftwing Idiot thought it would be funny to say ‘Fat Sister’ to me over and over until it became a tic.

This particular bit of tic-programming came back to bite him today when he told me he was worried about putting on weight.…

Yesterday I wrote about my new hip-hop arm tic. The ‘gansta’ theme continued today thanks to a new set of vocal tics. If you want to know what I mean, just add motherfucker to the following:

“Sand dunes!”
“Sandwich bag!”
“Armadillos!”…

Annoyingly, the arm tics I mentioned the other day have carried on. In particular I’m making a movement that involves extending my arm straight in front of me and making a circular gesture. This has been causing problems with eating, drinking and typing.…

A while ago I made a recording of a short sentence I was trying to say during a ticcing fit and the tics were so intrusive it took me six minutes to get my words out. This evening I’ve spent 45 minutes writing about a new group of physical tics that are proving equally tricky.…

Laura came and picked me up after work in her car. We headed off to get some dinner with baby Ruby asleep in the back and me sitting next to Laura in the front. I’m not a perfect passenger because I sometimes reach out and interfere with the driving or tic inappropriate things like, “We’re going to crash!”…

This evening I ticced a tricky question, “If you had four words for the rest of your life, what would they be?” and I went on to answer my own question with a series of unusual choices:

“Teapot, Sex, Apricot, Lego.”…

One of my regular tics at the moment is, “Women” which comes out in a strange, slightly robotic voice. Occasionally it gets extended to, “I love women,” and that’s what I ticced this afternoon at work. One of my colleagues absentmindedly added, ‘Me too!’…

The other day I mentioned the tic-like labels Leftwing Idiot made when he was a child. The sentences he created were a surreal mix of ideas, just like many of my tics. He really enjoys the strangeness of tics, and these labels show his love of unusual language goes back a long way.…