The bulk of this post was written on the brink of midnight as I struggled to sleep due to intense pain. It hurt so much that coordinating my movements and focus to type was extremely tricky. I’ve decided to leave all the mistakes in for the remainder of the post because I think they help convey a little of what I was experiencing at the time – these errors are crossed through and greyed out.

 I’ve written about pain s a lot wve4r over the lassst few yeatrs or so. Whenm my pain levels are high I often reasort to drawing to try hgb andv vcommunicate what I’m feeling, but right now my pain is too intense for me tio draw but it’s aslso too intwense to ignore sdo I’mm going to try and describe it in words. This may or may not work anfd im I’m way too sore to care azbout spelling. This is what is mangeble manageable asnd essential right now.


Monday night

I’m in becd

The re,mote control thart adjusts my bed sits next to my body, close at hand as I try to find the most bareable bearable postion position.

My regular deep aching pain has been joinedcv joined byh sporadic flashes.

These have been happening on and off asll all evening, not all the time, not even that regularly but they are pain of a new order, a high note that shoots through me without warning – each time is a shock.

Morphine taakem taken ages ago made me moan slightly less

Toesx – no pain

Anckles ankles and Kneews knees – echoes of pain from further up muy my body shimmer about my calves and shins

My right thigh burns aa and my hips ring with a sharp pain

The back of my body is wehere the slab of pain sensations merge

In the front of mmy boddy pain stabs and rumbles, forming puddlesx of pain and calm that keep moving

I feel sick either from pain orf morphine – who knows? It doesn’t matter

My chest hurts in a vauguwe vague way, so I know that it’s there

Arms – flashes of ache that shift

Head – no pain

I can als90p also feel the cat’s fur against my leg asdbn

And the warjmth warmth of oth the radiator

My sheertys sheets are soft

The xcat has moovef  moved to purr 89 in my ear

His wheight weight and vibration vibraton offering new sensations

 I stopped writing at this point and let Monkey distract me with his cuddles. I did get to sleep in the end and felt a bit better this morning.

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