Errastics

The Paralympics in Brazil start next week. Yesterday afternoon though, my body seemed to be embracing the sporting spirit a bit early, and in its own ridiculous way.

I was working away on the sofa when I started having a ‘ticcing fit’. Unusually I was able to communicate this to Leftwing Idiot, who was supporting me, by saying: “I’m going to do something erratic now.”

He immediately came to help me and got me into a safer position on the sofa. Then I came out with a funny tic and he made a dash for some paper to write it down on. As he did this, my body took advantage of an unsupervised moment to try out a new involuntary gymnastics move.

I arched backwards over the arm of the sofa so vigorously that I back-flipped off it onto my head before landing face down on the floor.

This shocked us both, but we also laughed, a lot. I laughed and whimpered in equal measure although I wasn’t hurt. As impressive as this move was, I’m unlikely to make the Paralympic gymnastics team for the following reasons:

1) I didn’t point my toes as I flipped
2) I didn’t put my hands in the air after landing
3) Gymnastics isn’t a Paralympic sport

Perhaps I’ll petition for Errastics to be included in the 2020 games along with I Am Lime and Freestyle Wheelchair Falling. Watch this space – I’ll be an elite athlete yet.

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