When I took my midnight medication as yesterday turned into today I shouted:
“Happy New Sheep!”
My tics are rarely in context but on this occasion my timing was perfect – today is Chinese New Year. Each year is represented by an animal, though not everyone agrees which one it is. This year it’s officially “The Year of the Goat” but in many places it’s called “The Year of the Sheep.”
Both these animals appear very often in my tics, frequently in relation to sexually explicit antics, so I’ll have no trouble celebrating it in my own unique way.
There are 219 sheep tics and 45 goat tics, that’s a total of 264. That’s enough for a themed tic every day well into November. And I’m confident I’ll have said 101 by then to make it a full year’s worth. Don’t worry though this isn’t something I’m planning to do!
My favourite goat tics are:
“I’m 100% goat vomit.”
“All the capital letters of all the capitals sang a song about goat sex yesterday.”
“I see your goat shaking a leaf.”
And for sheep:
“Oh Biscuit is a place on Sheep.”
“The wise man built his donkey on the sheep.”
“Mature, sensitive sheep seeks bear.”
And most appropriately, given that the Chinese New Year always falls on the second new moon after the winter solstice:
“Catapult sheep at the moon!”
So to the 1.2 billion people in the world who celebrate this holiday, and to everyone else as well, have a very happy New Year. Baa.