Out of the blue this evening, just as I was getting ready for bed, my tics started playing a new game with the Cartoon Star finger puppet I bought a few weeks ago.
It started with the following announcement:
“Cartoon Star, your specialist subject is patterns made by lightning on the Downs of Wiltshire.”
This was immediately followed by a list of questions that I scribbled down as quickly as I could. My top ten favourites are:
1. How many lightning bolts made owls cry on the 18th of January?
2. How many fantasy football players does it take to erect an umbrella?
3. What’s the sheep-to-vole ratio in Kettering?
4. Did the ducks vote for UKIP?
5. Name the type of plant that makes the clouds see stars.
6. What song did Prince hum in the shower this morning?
7. What happens when a tree farts?
8. Do doves like grime?
9. Describe the end of the rave scene using only the word gnome.
10. Does the moon prefer zigzags or stripes?
Cartoon Star stayed silent, smiling stoically as the strange list came tumbling out.