The Secret Policeman’s Bum

Leftwing Idiot and I were on a bus earlier when two police officers got on. The presence of police often leads to an increase of potentially inflammatory tics. My brain instantly latches on to all the things I shouldn’t say and my poor impulse-control means I start saying them. Unsurprisingly then, their presence for any length of time always makes me a bit nervous.

Fortunately, this afternoon my tics weren’t too provocative. I was mainly telling them to “Get a car.” They carefully ignored me. In fact one of them ignored me so well he turned his back on me. He was standing very near where I was sitting in the wheelchair-space. For what felt like an incredibly long time his bum was directly in my eye-line and well within my reach.

I quickly sat on my hands as I battled against the urge to do the most inappropriate thing possible – smack his bottom.

Thankfully the cops got off at the next stop and I could relax a bit. I’m planning to do some training courses about disability for the police next month and I’ve got no idea how my tics will respond to that situation. Watch this space.

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