For the second Sunday in a row I’ve ended up in floods of tears. I upset Leftwing Idiot at the end of last week and we didn’t sort things out until this evening. While we were talking things over I started to cry and once I’d started I found I couldn’t stop. I kept thinking my tears were over and began to pull myself together when another wave would hit.
This wasn’t ordinary crying. It felt like months of saved up sadness rolling out. Only a fraction of the tears were due to falling out with a friend. Accumulated frustration, loneliness and exhaustion were by far the biggest causes.
One of the problems is that because I need support all the time I feel I’ve got no space to be grumpy, sad or angry, because that wouldn’t be fair on the person helping me.
Up to this evening the weekend’s been great in so many ways – I’ve had an amazing night out, been bra shopping with Bunny, watched films with Claire and hung out with Laura and Ruby. I also caught up with friends at today’s London Tourettes group meet-up.
This evening, though, I just felt overwhelmed by a build-up of worries and pressures, but tomorrow’s the start of a new week and I’ll be working on not saving up sadness for Sundays.