Fat Sister and King Russell are having a joint hen and stag do which has become known as the ‘hag do’. Twenty-five of us are going to Cornwall tomorrow for four days to stay in Tipis at a beautiful campsite.

Many of those who are coming from outside London are staying at the lair tonight, so I’m staying in Leftwing Idiot’s spare room. Shortly after I arrived I was sitting in the kitchen with him and Poppy and suddenly I stuck my fingers up at a newly arrived plant on his kitchen table and said, “Fuck off geranium!”

I don’t know why this plant became a target for my tics but it didn’t seem upset by them.