Many of my tics are funny and random, but recently I’ve been saying some fairly nasty things most of which are about myself. For example: “I’m a horrible cunt,” “Shut up bitch,” “Poke out my eyes.”
I don’t feel particularly full of self-loathing or hatred but these negative tics do seem to get more forceful if I’m feeling miserable or frustrated. I don’t think these feelings are any different from the fluctuations in mood most people experience, but what is different is that my feelings get magnified by my tics and become very public.
This leads to a vicious cycle that I find hard to break: I’m concerned about the effect of these tics on other people, I worry that they might not want to spend time with me, so I constantly ask for reassurance – and that’s even more annoying than the tics themselves.
Leftwing Idiot is finding these negative tics particularly distressing and tonight I reached rock bottom with, “I’m a Tory.”