“Boiling green Kermit cum.”

Also ran:

“Basket weaving with God.”

“I put your mum out of business.”

“Dogging with a duvet.”

I went with my friends Ben and Ruth to hang out at the pub where Leftwing Idiot was DJing tonight.…

“Ley lines through your mum.”

I went out to a club to celebrate my friend Harry’s birthday tonight. Although clubbing can be a nerve-wracking experience, I was very impressed by the professionalism of the bouncer who smiled and then ignored me when I said:

“Pass the purple rain,” and “Viagra wrecked your soul.”

At lunchtime while I queued to buy a sandwich in a supermarket I saw a crowd of teenage boys gathered around the window with a mobile phone pressed against the glass – they were clearly filming me. The same thing has happened several times before.…

I’m a couple of days into my new job. My boss heard her first ‘fuck’ today. I think she’d had the impression that I was one of the 90% of people with Tourettes who don’t swear. That illusion is now broken.…

I’ve spent the day squawking around on my own. Like most people I appreciate a bit of time to myself. However, being by myself does make the randomness of the things I say even more apparent. I was so pleased by the return of Fat Sister that I greeted her by saying:

“You have a kilogram of sperm in your mouth.”…

My ongoing Tourettes Syndrome public relations campaign continues.

This morning I offered my seat to an elderly man, picked up a woman’s spilt shopping and cooed/squeaked over a newborn baby. I often feel the need to make an extra effort to make my actions speak louder than my words and to demonstrate that, despite my flapping arms and odd language, I’m not rude.…

Cassetteboy who are friends of Leftwing Idiot have been chopping up music and video for years, making albums and performing all over the country. Even Jonathon Ross had something to say about their version of The Apprentice.

Today they sent over a rough version of the Touretteshero theme.…

Early this morning I travelled to Liverpool for a Tourettes conference with Leftwing Idiot and Ruth (who also has Tourettes). After a brief discussion we decided not to sit in the quiet coach.

Our arrival in the city that gave the world the Beatles was marked by the addition of several Liverpool-specific tics to Ruth’s repertoire: “Calm down, calm down!”…

I’m hanging out with King Russell tonight. He’s watching Lethal Weapon and I’m providing additional sound effects that I’m fairly certain are enhancing his viewing experience. Looking around the Touretteshero lair, I notice the growing number of mugs on the floor and shout:

“Hello cups, I’m lining you up for God.”…