This afternoon I went to meet a friend who’s a TV news cameraman. He was working in Westminster but having a break between broadcasts. As we sat in Abingdon Green, a man came round the corner and I started shouting, “Dick, dick, dick!”…

In addition to my “I’m a baby” tic, I also now regularly say, “I’m a parent of a parent of…

… a partridge.”
… a papaya.”
… a piss.”
… a tortoise.”
… a baby.”

I was sitting outside a café, having breakfast with Leftwing Idiot. While we were talking he asked, “What would make your life better?” Before I could give a serious answer I ticced, “Not being a squirrel”. He found this hilarious, asked the question again and got the following answers:

“A baby.”…

Poppy and I were sitting outside a pub this afternoon. There was a group of drunk people at the next table who immediately started taking the piss out of me, copying my tics, laughing and shouting swear words.

I ignored them for a while but we were finding it hard to talk to each other.…

When I was younger my mum often used to sing Amazing Grace but I don’t think the lyrics she sang were quite the same as those I ticced tonight:

“Amazing Grace, how dare you be a bitch?”
“Amazing Grace, I paired off with Michael Jackson’s mum.”…

On my way home from work we drove past a small fire on the edge of a park. I asked the cab driver to stop at the police station next door so I could tell them about it, but it was shut.…

Laura called earlier. She’s been reading the blog which she’s been enjoying. She told me that it’s made her think about Tourettes – and its impact on me – in new ways.

One of the things she wanted to know was why she didn’t have a tic-name, like Leftwing Idiot, King Russell or Fat Sister.…

Here’s my version of I’d do Anything from the musical Oliver. It came from nowhere this evening and is presented here (almost) verbatim:

“I’d do anything for fucking mums, bitches and dog poo tits.

I’d do anything for a caged monkey in Peru.…

“Banksy’s love juice tasted like Creosote.”

Images inspired by tics have been streaming into the lair all day. It’s exciting to see what people are creating in response to things I’ve said. Particular highlights so far include an oozing sponge cake in underwear, a ferret having trouble with scissors, and a very fast penis.…