Two weeks ago Laura told me a secret.

This is usually a horrible mistake because my tics make it very hard for me to keep things quiet. Laura’s secret was a happy one and much to our surprise I’ve been able to keep it under wraps.…

Bunny, Poppy and I went to join Fat Sister, King Russell and some other friends at a local pub this evening. They’d been there for a while by the time we arrived and Fat Sister was already tipsy.

When Poppy asked me what I’d like to drink, I paused for a second to think about it.…

Earlier on I had a trivial disagreement with Leftwing Idiot on the phone. The issue itself was minor.

I was frustrated by it, but not upset or angry. Nevertheless, at the end of the conversation I told him I was going to kill myself and that I’d be “Dead in the morning.”…

Last year I wrote about seeing Mark Thomas’s stunning show Extreme Rambling at the Tricycle Theatre. I also described how the theatre manager asked me to move at the interval because someone in the audience had complained about my tics.

I ended up watching the rest of Mark’s brilliant performance through a glass window in the production box at the side of the stage, in tears.…

It’s a bank holiday and I’d been having a leisurely, slow-paced day. But this afternoon Poppy, Leftwing Idiot and I watched a film and that was far from laid back.

It was Leftwing Idiot’s choice – a 1970’s disaster movie called the The Poseidon Adventure.…

My friend Ruth got a new job today. I rang to congratulate her but it went straight to voicemail. My message went like this:

“Hi Ruth,
I just called to say
“Tits”.
No actually I didn’t.
“Tits”.
I rang to say congratulations on your
“Tits”.…

Last night we had our first barbecue at the castle. King Russell’s been desperate to have one here since I first moved in. Tonight he cooked for Fat Sister, Poppy, our friend Nic and me. After we’d eaten we sat outside in the dusk chatting.…

Out of the blue this afternoon a new collection of sung tics turned up, and they’ve been coming in waves since then. Just when I think my brain’s moved on they start rolling out all over again, to the inspirational tune ‘You Raise Me Up’.…

Back in February Poppy gave Leftwing Idiot a giant heart-shaped plastic box full of love hearts as a Valentine’s gift. To her obvious surprise he liked them, and we’ve all been slowly making our way through them ever since.

The other day I noticed my tics were substituting their own special messages for the ones on the hearts, so as an experiment this afternoon we cracked open a packet and let my tics do the talking.…

As I made my way down the stairs with Leftwing Idiot from his parents’ flat this afternoon, I started ticcing about geraniums again.

“I’m a bit like Hitler but for geraniums.”
“Geranium holocaust”
“Imagine a world without geraniums.”
“Thank fuck for geraniums.”…