I had high expectations for today. I don’t know why – most sensible people would’ve looked at what I had planned and known it was going to be tough. But I didn’t, so I wasn’t prepared when months of pent up anxiety smashed into me.…

I had a wobble today. Not just the physical type (that’s a very regular occurrence) but a more noteworthy emotional wobble. In the last few days I’ve written quite dispassionately about my year of ‘ticcing fits’. I’ve got used to suddenly having my day interrupted by my flailing limbs and loss of speech, and as I described yesterday, it’s become much easier to manage all this.…

It’s my fitiversary. Exactly a year ago today I woke up having a ‘ticcing fit’, and I’ve had at least two a day ever since. As I got dressed this morning I reached for a pair of tracksuit bottoms, but immediately decided against them because they didn’t seem suitable attire for a fitiversary.…

I started writing this post in the early hours of yesterday morning. I was feeling tense and restless and initially I couldn’t work out why, but my mind kept coming back to my wheelchair. Two weeks ago I wrote with joy about collecting my new chair from NHS Wheelchair Services.…

It’s been a long day after a tough night.

I’ve been fighting a cold for the last week or so and my ‘ticcing fits’ have increased as they often do when I’m under the weather. They’d been reasonably manageable until the early hours of this morning but then they suddenly escalated.…

Losing the ability to speak has been a regular feature of my ‘ticcing fits’ since they suddenly intensified last October. This evening Leftwing Idiot and I were out and about when I had a fit. It was mild and relatively easy to manage because I was in my wheelchair, but as usual I wasn’t able to talk.…

During a ‘ticcing fit’ my body often contorts and gets stuck in strange positions. Over the last few weeks a new tic has snuck in which involves my jaw opening as wide as it’ll go. It’s painful and difficult to deal with, and though it might look a bit comical, when the muscles are extended and tense it hurts right along my jaw line and into my ear and neck.…

It’s very rare that I write a whole post on my phone, in bed. This is only the second time I’ve done it at 1:00am.

As I mentioned yesterday I’ve been ill and so has Leftwing Idiot, who provides a lot of my care.…

For the second Sunday in a row I’ve ended up in floods of tears. I upset Leftwing Idiot at the end of last week and we didn’t sort things out until this evening. While we were talking things over I started to cry and once I’d started I found I couldn’t stop.…

I’ve spent the day at Leftwing Idiot’s because there was no-one to stay with me at the castle. Leftwing Idiot had a lot of urgent work to do, so we sat in the same room and I went through my ‘to do’ list.…