I’m going to share thirty minutes of my day through the reactions I’ve encountered along the way.

3.00pm: I popped to the shops during my lunch break to pick up some plasters to protect the my knuckles from the wear and tear they’re currently suffering from the tic that means that I bang my chest.…

TH: Knock knock.
Leftwing Idiot: Who’s there?
TH: God.
Leftwing Idiot: God who?
TH: Your fucking God of poached eggs.

My tics fall into three broad categories. First, the regular tics I say hundreds of times every day. Second, the occasional tics that I’ll say only once or a handful of times. These two categories have already been discussed. I haven’t yet talked about the third type that are intense explosions of themed tics which come out over a short period of time with fearsome force.…

Joanna Lumley was at the checkout next to me in Sainsbury’s this afternoon:

“Shit, shit, shit,” – shriek, squeal – “Shit, dog, dog food,” – finger in the air – squeal.

Her response, or lack of, has done nothing to dent my impression of her as a sound human being.

This evening I answered an unsolicited market research call on the house phone. The caller ploughed on despite the unusual noises I was making. Because this wasn’t a call I had any interest in I made no explanation for the screeching.…

“Boiling green Kermit cum.”

Also ran:

“Basket weaving with God.”

“I put your mum out of business.”

“Dogging with a duvet.”

I went with my friends Ben and Ruth to hang out at the pub where Leftwing Idiot was DJing tonight.…

I went out to a club to celebrate my friend Harry’s birthday tonight. Although clubbing can be a nerve-wracking experience, I was very impressed by the professionalism of the bouncer who smiled and then ignored me when I said:

“Pass the purple rain,” and “Viagra wrecked your soul.”

I’m a couple of days into my new job. My boss heard her first ‘fuck’ today. I think she’d had the impression that I was one of the 90% of people with Tourettes who don’t swear. That illusion is now broken.…

I’ve spent the day squawking around on my own. Like most people I appreciate a bit of time to myself. However, being by myself does make the randomness of the things I say even more apparent. I was so pleased by the return of Fat Sister that I greeted her by saying:

“You have a kilogram of sperm in your mouth.”…

Cassetteboy who are friends of Leftwing Idiot have been chopping up music and video for years, making albums and performing all over the country. Even Jonathon Ross had something to say about their version of The Apprentice.

Today they sent over a rough version of the Touretteshero theme.…