For the last couple of weeks my phone’s been playing up, I met Leftwing Idiot in town earlier and together we went to the Apple store to get it sorted out. Ruth had to do the same thing a couple of weeks ago and had a long, unpleasant wait.…

Earlier on I was talking to a colleague at work who kept referring to my ‘partner’. When I told him that I don’t have a partner, he looked confused and said, “You brought her to the RockCorps event last year.”

It suddenly dawned on me that Poppy holding my hands to stop me hitting myself, and me ticcing “I’m a lesbian” had caused some confusion about my sexual orientation.

When I popped out to get some milk earlier there was a police van on the street outside the lair. As I walked past, swearing and shouting “Biscuit”, an officer who was searching someone turned and looked me up and down.…

I’ve written lots of serious entries recently. Tourettes does bring challenges but my tics don’t let things stay serious for too long. Tonight they seemed even more abstract than usual:

“I fucked a kissing gate.”

“Key a llama with a biscuit.”…

Ruth texted me earlier to ask if I wanted to join her and some mates for a drink tonight. The only thing that put me off was the journey. I wasn’t sure if I could face travelling across London, especially after last weekend.…

I’m having a difficult evening tic-wise. I’m saying ‘fuck’ over and over again in the same monotonous voice, and it’s been driving me mad. Leftwing Idiot and Poppy were here, and I’d desperately wanted to enjoy a relaxing evening hanging out with them.…

Yesterday I compared my squirrel and donkey tics with each other. It got me thinking and I realised these are not the only animals which feature in tics. Here’s a selection:

“I’m a free-running ladybird.”
“Kiss a whale.”
“The elephant left the room.”…

“I’m living ketchup reality and I’m a donkey.”
“Life begins at squirrel.”

“Shall we make a cloakroom out of donkeys?”
“Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, fashion.”

“Dear donkey, I’m sorry you’re a bachelor.”
“Squirrel loving fish.”

“Donkey cum, donkey cum, going only where a donkey can.”…

I was at the pub earlier with a group of friends including a mate who’s been staying with Leftwing Idiot over the weekend – she and her fiancé are both born again Christians. My tics inadvertently set her up for an awkward moment:

TH: I love fish.…

Tourettes appears to be experimenting with symbols. Hearts, hashtags and percentages have all featured in recent tics. Here are a handful of symbolic examples:

“I ♥ cum.”

“#pickledonioncumbottle”

“I’m 40% more biscuity than sheep.”

“I ♥ robot legs.”

“#teacuptits”

“95% of biscuits are birds.”