A couple of days ago I was writing with a biro when I ticced and accidentally drew on Leftwing Idiot’s cream sofa. He made a bit of a fuss but I knew he wasn’t really annoyed.

Last night I dreamt I’d spilt ink on his bed.…

“Boiling green Kermit cum.”

Also ran:

“Basket weaving with God.”

“I put your mum out of business.”

“Dogging with a duvet.”

I went with my friends Ben and Ruth to hang out at the pub where Leftwing Idiot was DJing tonight.…

I’ve spent the day squawking around on my own. Like most people I appreciate a bit of time to myself. However, being by myself does make the randomness of the things I say even more apparent. I was so pleased by the return of Fat Sister that I greeted her by saying:

“You have a kilogram of sperm in your mouth.”…

Cassetteboy who are friends of Leftwing Idiot have been chopping up music and video for years, making albums and performing all over the country. Even Jonathon Ross had something to say about their version of The Apprentice.

Today they sent over a rough version of the Touretteshero theme.…

Early this morning I travelled to Liverpool for a Tourettes conference with Leftwing Idiot and Ruth (who also has Tourettes). After a brief discussion we decided not to sit in the quiet coach.

Our arrival in the city that gave the world the Beatles was marked by the addition of several Liverpool-specific tics to Ruth’s repertoire: “Calm down, calm down!”…

I’m hanging out with King Russell tonight. He’s watching Lethal Weapon and I’m providing additional sound effects that I’m fairly certain are enhancing his viewing experience. Looking around the Touretteshero lair, I notice the growing number of mugs on the floor and shout:

“Hello cups, I’m lining you up for God.”…

This morning I shaved the back of Leftwing Idiot’s neck with a razor. It was brave of him to let me but he’d clearly weighed up the untidy neck/no head balance, and despite a few moments of nervousness he seemed reassured by my constant assurance that I could perform an:

“Artichoke-heart transplant.”…

Leftwing Idiot and I were having dinner at a café tonight. I was drinking grapefruit juice through a straw so I didn’t need to worry about lifting the glass.

While we were eating I accidentally flicked the straw and splashed grapefruit juice in my eyes which made me squeal.…

It’s Fat Sister’s birthday so we went out for a mid-week drink. We’ll celebrate properly at the weekend. I met a couple of Fat Sister’s medical colleagues for the first time and one of them kept looking at me strangely. Fat Sister clocked this and said “Shit, sorry, didn’t I mention my sister has Tourettes?”…

Leftwing Idiot and King Russell enjoyed several competitive rounds of their favourite game this evening: Tourettes Bingo.

This involves them secretly choosing tics and marking them off as I say them, until someone gets a full house. There are several versions of this game and sometimes they play without me even realising.…