A close friend and former flatmate gave birth to her first child today. During a meal for my birthday I’d ticced “Hannah’s pregnant”. She denied this at the time and continues to assert that she wasn’t pregnant, or at least didn’t know she was, at the time of my announcement.…

“Swindon or Sweden? Choose.”

TH: Knock knock.
Leftwing Idiot: Who’s there?
TH: God.
Leftwing Idiot: God who?
TH: Your fucking God of poached eggs.

Leftwing Idiot and I were out in our area. I was emitting my normal, frequent vocal tics. As we walked past a police officer on a bike, she turned towards us, pointed at me and told me to “Stop that.” I was surprised by how angry I felt so I turned back to explain.…

My tics fall into three broad categories. First, the regular tics I say hundreds of times every day. Second, the occasional tics that I’ll say only once or a handful of times. These two categories have already been discussed. I haven’t yet talked about the third type that are intense explosions of themed tics which come out over a short period of time with fearsome force.…

Joanna Lumley was at the checkout next to me in Sainsbury’s this afternoon:

“Shit, shit, shit,” – shriek, squeal – “Shit, dog, dog food,” – finger in the air – squeal.

Her response, or lack of, has done nothing to dent my impression of her as a sound human being.

This evening I answered an unsolicited market research call on the house phone. The caller ploughed on despite the unusual noises I was making. Because this wasn’t a call I had any interest in I made no explanation for the screeching.…

“PAT Test your carpet.”

“Face paint your dog.”

It’s been a while since I’ve travelled by tube at rush hour. It’s a pretty unpleasant experience for everyone and this evening I experienced the added difficulties that having Tourettes can present in this situation.

I waited on a busy platform at Green Park, squawking, jerking and shouting.…