Dark Hours

Edinburgh was amazing – but intense.

The workshop at Shakespeare’s Globe over the weekend with creatives with Tourettes was awesome – but tiring.

And my first session of Hydrotherapy yesterday felt really good – but required lots of concentration.

I’m extremely tired at the moment for lots of reasons. But I’m also exhausted because my body’s slipped back into a pattern I’d hoped was behind me.

Five or six years ago I had difficulty with sleep, not just getting to sleep (which has remained tricky), but staying asleep as well. I used to wake myself up frequently, shouting things out. I rarely got more than an hour’s sleep at a time. Then, seemingly out of the blue, something changed. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and I started ticcing a lot less in my sleep.

I’m sure medication, my weighted blanket, and good night time routines contributed to this but the change seemed to be on a much deeper level than those things alone could account for.

For the last few nights I’ve been waking up hourly, often with a shout or a sudden movement. I’m hoping this is just a brief return to the old ways –– I’ve got everything crossed for more solid sleeps soon.

The lack of deep sleep is certainly impacting on my mood and my already flimsy energy levels. So I’m being extra careful to pace myself, rest during the day as I need to, and use medication to support my sleep whenever necessary.

But in the middle of the night it’s hard to be patient with myself and not get frustrated. On the upside, though, I’ve been having some very funny conversations with the lamp-post, outside my window.

“Lamp-post, do you count planes instead of sheep?”
“Lamp-post, shall we get you a dimmer switch?”
“Lamp-post, do you know any lullabies about luminosity?”

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