I spent much of yesterday sitting on my bed, not because I was tired but because I was home alone. Poppy’s moved out and it was my first day living by myself. Whenever I’m at home on my own I always stay in one soft place and don’t move around, so that if I have a ‘ticcing fit’ I’m as safe as possible. If I’d needed help yesterday Fat Sister was on call and would’ve come over.
The activities I can do just sitting on my bed are limited. I kept myself busy by watching stuff on my laptop and writing posts for the blog. As the afternoon turned into evening Poppy came to collect the last of her belongings and after a few minutes, when she’d got everything, we said goodbye.
Hearing the door shut hit home the fact I now live alone.
I went back to my spot on the bed and had a bit of a cry. I was upset Poppy and I would no longer be sharing the castle. She’ll be back every Thursday to stay over and do my night-time support, and there are lots of reasons why having the place to myself will be good too, but I’ll miss her and I think adjusting to living alone will take a bit of time.
My sadness was exacerbated by spending six hours sitting in one place, knowing I had at least another three before my support worker arrived. In the last year or so, because of my fits, I’ve needed constant support and supervision and it’s often left me craving time on my own. But being on my own and not able to do very much isn’t brilliantly useful.
A little later I talked on the phone to Leftwing Idiot about how I was feeling and how I’d spent the day. We discussed how I could do more while still managing the risks. As a result, I’m going to start moving about more when I’m on my own but I’ll be taking precautions too. I’ll:
Leftwing Idiot was careful to point out that moving about didn’t mean going in for dangerous activities. He started listing things that should still be off limits: using bleach, shaving parmesan, boiling water, reorganising my kitchen cupboards – the list went on.
By the end of the call I felt more upbeat. I’m looking forward to seeing Poppy’s new place in a couple of days and to getting the castle organised for its new life with a single occupant. What a day of sitting on my bed has taught me is that if I’m to live alone and not go bonkers I’ll need to take some calculated risks.