This evening I asked Leftwing Idiot to pass me a pen. He didn’t think I’d be able to make my hand take it from him safely, and asked me repeatedly, “Are you sure you’re ready to take this?” I said that I was.

He looked sceptical and to his surprise my hand managed to take it fine. But as soon as I’d taken the pen, my foot shot up and caught him square in the balls.

He was floored. I apologised repeatedly while he rolled around making strange noises that were a mixture of pain and laughter.